A Long Night

My husband and I were watching one of my favorite shows last night before we went to bed. Here is the long and never ending conversation that I had with ed during this:

Me: I'm kind of hungry. A snack would be nice!

ed: You have gained weight. I don't think so.

Me: I am hungry and I am trying to eat intuitively. I am craving a snack.

ed: You shouldn't eat. What if you start eating and because you are hungry and craving a snack you start to get out of control and you eat until you are uncomfortable?

Reality: Oh my goodness, what if you start eating and you eat until your hunger is satisfied? (sarcasm) That could definitely never be healthy to actually give your body the nutrients it needs and craves! (more sarcasm) Hmm, that is such a weird theory; to give your body the food it craves when it is hungry. Maybe that's how our bodies work? They let us know when they need more fuel? (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm)

ed: I'm helping you avoid a different eating disorder, Beanie. You see, you are fat and do not need to go eat a snack. If you do, you will gain more weight and maybe even become a binge eater!

Reality: ed is telling me that he is helping me. He told me that I am not actually hungry (which I was). Since I was supposedly not hungry, it would be ridiculous to go and eat something because that would make me gain weight! He told me that I was really getting out of control by eating so much lately and might be developing a different eating disorder. (Heaven forbid that I actually eat the amount of food that I am suppose to in order for me to stay healthy!) Thus, in reality, I was avoiding this non existent disorder by giving in to my current eating disorder by not eating. 

Wow! ed has really stepped up his game of trickiness! 

Me: Maybe you are right, and I am not actually hungry. That would be bad if I went and ate a snack when I am not hungry!

Reality: I paused for a minute and realized that I was actually hungry.

Me: Wait a minute you filthy jerk ed! I am hungry! Why did you lie to me?

ed: Because you need me and you want to believe me! So, you are hungry. How wonderful would it be to go to bed hungry? You will feel so good about yourself in the morning!

Me: Okay, fine. I am just exhausted and want to go to bed. You absolutely exhaust me ed! I hate you! Now, I am mad and confused! I hate going to bed this way!

Reality: I sat in bed trying to fall asleep. However, I was so frustrated and confused about what just happened and how he is so cunning! I could not fall asleep because I knew that I was hungry.

Me: Alright! This is ridiculous! I am going to go get a snack! I know that if I go to bed hungry, I will not sleep good and I will have a bad day tomorrow! I am going to go get a snack!

ed: But what if you eat everything in your house?

Me: Now you have gotten desperate ed! We both know that I do not do that! However, I will listen to my hungry body and eat. This might leave me feeling satisfied and this makes me feel uncomfortable. But that is okay, I am just not use to eating intuitively. So, what should I eat? Hmm, chips and salsa sound good!

Ed: Really? You're going to eat that? That makes you thirsty and then you will have to drink water and that will make you feel soooo full!

Me: Okay, seriously?! I'm getting pissed off now! Leave me alone. I want to eat my chips and salsa, and I am going to! 

Reality: I ate my chips and salsa and felt a lot better! I was able to then go back to bed and fall asleep easily. It was an exhausting night! ed and I went back and forth for about two hours before I finally went and ate my snack. However, it was worth it, and I felt really good about disagreeing with him!

Love, Hugs, and Chips and Salsa,
Beanie