This phase may be called "run while you can", "slippery slope", "the hill", "carefree yet still careful", or "climbing and falling off Mt. Everest". Now, I think it is a very important stage. One must go through it in order to receive recovery. There is no way of avoiding this stage, but it is key to spend as little time as possible in it.
To understand this phase of recovery, it is helpful to think of an enormous hill. Its massive, snowy, and steep. At the bottom of the mountain (yes, mountain is a better description) is ed. Ed lives at the bottom of the mountain. Like a troll under a bridge, ed is at the bottom of the mountain. This is not a happy place; thus, naturally, we would not want anyone to live down there.
However, many people do live down the mountain with ed. He loves to have guests but he is not a good host. Whatsoever! But the people that live down the mountain get confused. (Maybe it's because they are below sea level or something?) They start to think that ed is this marvelous guy. In a way you could describe him as Hugh Hefner the way he is surrounded by ladies! People down the mountain have a love hate relationship with the host (because they are confused) and think that for the most part they enjoy their time.
Now, there are also people who live up the snowy, massive, steep mountain. Most people on top of the mountain don't mind if people want to live down there with old ed. However, there are a few wonderful souls who see the call for help. So, being the heros that they are, they call and beckon the people below to come up on the mountain top.
(This is beginning to turn into a story.)
Angered and confused, the people below do not want to leave the pits of misery and woe. They explain that this is their homeland. "We are different. We like it here. We are noticed for it."
Now, the whole encouraging them to come up the mountain, to climb the mountain, lowering ropes to make it easier, and sending helicopters in to capture the prisoners down below are all stages and phases of recovery. I could drag on this horrible fairytale, but I will skip ahead a bit.
An anorexic has battled the long and exhausting battle of climbing the mountain. She now is the conqueror of the mountain. She stands bearing her wounds and scars of the war. They may be physical or mental, but they are there. She is not ashamed, for she has seen the victory and wants all to stand atop the mountain leaving ed below, behind, and alone.
This is the stage of recovery I want to talk about. You may think the battle is over because you have fought for so long, but there is one more battle ahead until you can fully taste the sweet and joyous victory of conquering ed.
Your on top of the mountain looking down. Looking at all the snow and jagged rocks that you had to climb in order to be where you stand now. Your proud and you feel that you have a real control over your life. However, there you stand still, at the edge of the mountain. You deserve a celebration, you really do. But the battle ground is still too close for comfort.
See, an anorexic may have conquered a lot, but she (or he) is just one slip away from being at the bottom of the mountain again. I think that being at the edge of the mountain is similar to managing your eating disorder. You have skills to help you cope and the such but one skipped meal or postponed meal can lead them to spend a little more time with ed.
Do not forget though, that I do not think that it is very possible to get to recovery without going through this stage. But, I do think that it is important to spend as little time as possible.
I think that at this stage, you may have a firm grasp at your eating disorder but you still have habits that you haven't had enough time to break. For example, you may restrict every time you get upset. Now, that you are on top of the hill, something happens to upset you and you habitually turn to your ed for comfort.
Also, I think that some people may get stuck in this stage. They have climbed the mountain and think they are safe, and they need not travel any farther. However, it is important to keep on working, keep on eating, and keep on being diligent to recovery once you have climbed the mountain. Because the truth is that you are still to close to the edge. You may turn your back to take a "selfie" of how far you've come, look at the picture and hear ed at the bottom of the mountain screaming that you look horrible, get startled, and then slip down the mountain. It is just too risky to stay in this stage of recovery.
What you want to do is run. Once you reach the top, the rest of the journey is easy. You've already gone through the hardest of recovery. Now, you just need to run. (Not literally.) You need to get a good 1,000 miles away from the edge. You want to get so far that you can no longer hear ed screaming from the bottom of the mountain.
It is so much harder to slip back down the mountain when you are miles and miles away! I think we all need to go through the phase of being near the edge of the mountain, but we shouldn't stay long. The scenery is much better many miles away.
Knowing that my Curves Are Beautiful helped me to climb my mountain. I now stand on top!
I am on top of my mountain and a few hundred miles away from the edge.
Hugs,
Beanie
Beanie
