Relationship with ed

     Ed. What exactly is ed? Who is he? Where does he come from? Well, I learned a lesson this week. I learned that he is not defined by just one thing, does not come from just one place, and is not just one person.
     I learned that ed loves to play games! What is his favorite? Ed's favorite game, of all time, (no, not hide and go seek) hide and I'll pop out of no where and scare you! Yep, that is his favorite game! I, however, am not a fan of this game!
    Eating disorders are hard to understand, and they can be triggered by anything; relationships, especially, trigger eds. This is why I get confused with where he comes from, why he came, and who, exactly, he is. This week, however, I learned that he can be anything, and he can pop up and scare me at any time! 
     These were eds words to me this week:
Can I ask you a question?
Do you think I will ever have a chance with you?
I wish I could be with you for just 20 minutes!
I want your body so bad! I like your personality too, but mostly your body!
I'm sorry, do you think our relationship will be awkward now?

     These words have run through my mind over and over and over the past few days. This has been my ed. This is he who has popped up and scared me right into his arms. 
     This has been my ed this week. This was my relationship with 'him'. However, I knew that this was not a healthy relationship. I could not live this way. So, having hope in my recovery and not wanting to relapse, I quit my ed. I told him that my relationship with him was over. I told ed that he was now single.
     Ed is always promising me happiness if I stay with him. "Trust me, Sabrina. I know what's best for you. I love you. You are gorgeous right now, so you shouldn't eat that." This week, I trusted him. This week I was slowly going back into his arms, but I caught him. I caught him with his scrawny fingers on other girls! Yes, this is correct! Although he tells me to trust him and I will be happy with him, I find he is cheating on me with other girls! 
     Seeing other girls with him made me sad! I saw just how bad of a relationship I was in with him! He promises one thing after another to me, but they are all lies! They are all promises, that if I keep, will hurt me! "If you don't eat breakfast, you will feel so much better today!" He says the same lines to every girl! He is not a healthy companion, he is not a healthy friend!
     Well, you know what I have to say to him? "Ed, you are now single! One day you will be completely single, too! Every girl with you will, one day, have enough strength to break up with you too! They will see who you truly are and will not put up with your lying promises!" Having said that, I  am single. I am no longer in a relationship with my ed. 
     Eating disorders are confusing! I, personally, never know when he might come creeping back into my life. He trys to sneak his way in through any open door or window in my life. This week was a hard week for me as he came knocking at the door. However, as soon as I saw that he was trying to put a foot into my house, my body, my life, I slammed the door in his face!
     I hope that, one day, every person with an ed will be able to change their status to "No longer in a relationship with ed". 
    Love, Hugs, and Best Wishes,
    Beanie