Dancing in the Rain

I think we have all heard the expression:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. . . It's about learning to dance in the rain.

          Honestly, when I was first diagnosed with my ed, I had a few hard days where I did not exactly 'respect' that quote. I wanted to throw blocks of ice and say, "Really? Try dancing in a hail storm! That's my life! I don't have pleasant rain drops. I have hail as big as boulders, along with blizzards and tornado's! You try dancing in my storm!" Okay, so maybe that was a bit over dramatic, but it wasn't me! It was ed. 
          I continued to recover and on my hardest days I was a little more 'open minded' to this whole concept of 'dancing in the rain'. On those days, I decided that I would, you know, open the door and stick my toe out in the storm. My toe reflexed right back inside! Apparently the cold ice, rain, and blizzards were too much to handle for one big toe. However, I was pleased with the progress and proud of my toe for being so brave! 
          Therapy continued, along with group therapy, and I started to understand some things. The first thing to get through my head was that I am not me when I have an ed. Beanie disappears when ed is present. The second thing I started to understand was that it is a lot more fun to be fun than to be sad! This is called 'A life worth living.'  
          I started to get brave! I wasn't quite ready to go dance in the rain, but I started practicing my dance moves! Ed wasn't around as much so the real Beanie got to do her thing! I would practice my dance moves in the kitchen, in front of my mom, in my room, in front of mirrors, and even my husband (he was my fiance at the time). I knew one thing. If I was going to do this whole 'dancing in the rain' thing, I wanted to have the most epic dance ever! 
          I began understanding the 'life worth living' skill and started having a lot of fun again! 
          The storm started brewing as my surroundings got difficult. I knew this was my time! My performance was next on stage. I opened the door. The rain was crashing down on the sidewalk. I put one foot out in the rain. I took a step and my whole body was in the storm. I felt every drop. The water stung my eyes, but I knew this was the only way to get through my storm. I started my awesome dance moves. I only got to dance for a few seconds before I slipped and fell. I lay on the ground and let the storm take me. Ed came over with his umbrella and laughed at me. He laughed at me for ever thinking I could dance in the rain.
         I got off my butt and went inside. I was a little disappointed that I was not able to finish my dance routine. My moves are so epic and no one got to see them. I dried myself off and called it a day.
         I waited for the next storm. My next test to apply my skills to. I practiced my routine every day! Until, finally, I saw the dark clouds coming! I got ready to go outside and preform the best dance ever known to man! Except, this time I put my rubber boots on so that I wouldn't slip!
          The rain started pouring! I ran outside and embraced it! "I'll show you what I got ed!" I danced and danced! I did the Hokey Pokey, Ring around the Rosey's, Gang Man Style, and everything in between! It truly was the most epic dance ever!. . . Until I, yet again, slipped and fell on my booty. 
          However, this is okay my friends because now I know how wonderful it is to dance in the rain! So I am preparing myself to dance in the next rain storm that comes by! I am doing everything possible to be able to dance and not slip! I have been eating my three meals and snacks. It is so hard but there is nothing better than dancing in the rain! So, as I continue to recover, I continue to dance! I dance to the beat of my own drum, I dance like no one is watching, and I have learned to dance in the rain!

          Love and hugs,
          Beanie