Nail Polish Paint Perfectionism Syndrome

Perfectionism is one of my greatest assets. However, it is one of my greatest weaknesses. In other cleverly chosen words, this asset is also a pain in the a**! Whoops! Sorry, I must be real on this page. I refuse to paint beautiful portraits of anorexia and the such. I have to be honest.

*The Following is for non perfectionism eyes only!
*Please do not read if you are a perfectionist
*I do not want to be responsible for adding another element to your perfectionism!
Onward we go. Thus I am a bit of a perfectionist! Just a bit of one. You know, taking hours to do a simple homework assignment because I don't want to turn it in until I know it will be grade 'A' material, color-coding my clothes, vacuuming my house daily because I do not want to see my footprints in the carpet, going around with a wash rag to take off any marks on my white walls, and redoing my nails until the paint is perfectly even upon my fingers. This is a bit perfectionism with a dash of neat freak.

As I mentioned above, I will take all of the nail polish off my nails and start again if needs be. I can spend a considerate amount of time doing my nails. This event used to be soothing for me, but then my perfectionism kicked in and has taken some of the relaxation out of it. I will try to get all of my nails perfect. I try to keep a steady hand as I gently and slowly brush the sides of my nail and try not to paint my skin. This is a tedious task but it is not over until they are dry! Off I go walking about the house! My hands stay in high five position for hours after I paint them as to not touch anything and chip a nail. (Well that just sounded extra girly girl!) Eventually, they are almost dry and I decide that it might still be risky but I am going to reach for a certain object. I tell myself that I am going to go in slowly and carefully. Never has this worked! It seems that each time I come out of the situation with a ruined nail and I have to start again.

So, my dear friends, I come to you tonight with purple nails. I thought purple would be cute. After the agonizing task of carefully painting each nail, I decided that I did not like the way they looked. Also, (hello perfectionism) I did a bad paint job. Tired and not wanting to start all over, I decided that I would leave the paint on and maybe I'll like it better in a moment. Well, few hours later and I am still not a fan. Mostly because I don't think that I did them perfectly.

*Breathe
To those who know nail polish paint perfectionism syndrome, you know my pain. It gets worse. I have decided to leave this bad paint job on for two days. No, not to torture myself, but to let myself know that it is okay to not have perfect nails! *Breathe* Currently, I am having to take a deep breath every time I look down at my hands. The goal of this challenge is to get to the point of looking at my nails and smiling and loving them! Loving the color, the paint job, etc.

Whoo! Am I asking too much of myself? I don't know if I can handle two days? False! I can, and I must! Nail polish paint perfectionism syndrome will not own me any more! I want it to be soothing to paint my nails again. Okay, I can do this. Also, I challenge you to do a crappy paint job and leave it for two days!

I wish the best of luck to you! So go chip a nail!

Hugs,
Beanie

Crying

          This day has been filled with many tears. (However, no, I am not currently crying as I write this.)
          I hate to cry. But now that my eyes are as dry as cotton, I think it will be physically impossible for me to cry within the next few days.
          I think that recovery from an ed almost "requires" several buckets of tears. I always think, "Surely now I have reached the requirement of tears needed to fully recover!" Then my anxiety kicks in full gear and proves me wrong. Ed then proceeds to say, "Well folks, get out the buckets cause its going to be a sob fest tonight! Step right up to see the crying Bean preform the task of filling up this bucket with tears! Throughout the show you will also see the 'over used tissue', 'the disappearance of makeup', and 'glowing red eyes'! But that's not all folks! For an additional $19.95 you receive the audio addition that includes the miraculous 'snot nose horn', 'the loud gasp for air after one has cried for to long and has forgotten to breathe', and, my favorite, 'the sobs of Bean' from Bean herself!" Should I even be surprised that ed enjoys my pain? I'll do you one better and even explain why he does!
          I have had anxiety lately, and it leads to tears which leads me searching for comfort. Ed proudly steps into the picture (which is not a very pretty one) and proceeds to tell me that he can provide comfort for me. He tells me that I just need to skip one meal and I'll feel better! I then get the baseball bat and beat him to the ground. Thus, when he regains his consciousness, he sees me crying and enjoys the scene of it because I would not give heed to him.
          Ed does not realize that real people and objects trump him, so I always find myself in my husbands arms when anxiety hits. So, grab your favorite bear, person, blanket, or pillow when your next rain storm occurs!
          Best of luck avoiding the rain in your life!
Beanie