To Mom

I will never quite know how she did it. It baffles me how she was able to handle it all. How did she look me in the eyes to my deteriorating mind, down to the depths of my withering stomach, to my heart that had no will, and find my soul that was crying and searching for help? My questions are ceased and pondered no more when the words tremble off my lips with gratitude and love, "Because she is my Mom."

The instinct was there, but confusion was too. Because people tend to treat ANOREXIA as "evil" they must "see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil."  But she did not care about what others told her she should not do, she diligently and patiently searched for the people who would tell her what to do.

Finding the way through the midst of a thick forest on a black night. Grasping for the only flashlight that has a dim yellow glow. Hearing only the wind brush by and toss the leaves. Feeling the trees arch over her from high above leaving her to feel lost in the unknown. Not knowing how far to enter, when she can barely see what's in her face. The darkness is blinding. She must search farther and let the forest engulf her. Her fears are as tall as the trees. The forest has encircled her. The trees are even more compact. It's getting hard to breath. Shes scared, she starts running. Running aimlessly, blindly. Where is the light?

The sun climbed over the trees placing the shadows of leaves on the ground. She saw me. She found me. The sun warmed my body. The light showed my details. It wrapped around me like a blanket revealing the paleness of my fragile body, the muscles that were no longer there, the tired and painful hurt in my eyes.

She was no longer scared of the black night. It became familiar to her. She learned of it instead of avoiding it. She helped me get better.

I do not know how she handled the stress, anxiety, and fear. But she did. Thank you, Mom. Thank you for running through the darkness until you found light to help me. I know it seemed like the end of the black forest would never stop, but I think we are nearing the edge.