'Tis the Season

Oh yes, 'tis the season! Except, what does "the season" look like through the eyes of a soul with an eating disorder? I can simply explain it through a recipe I know quite well:

"The Season" Recipe

Ingredients:
1 Part Chocolate
1 Part Cookies
5 Parts Dread
1 Freezing soul
1 Pair of reliable Sweat Pants
6 Invitations to Christmas Parties in the trash (with the attached note of: Bring a favorite dessert)
20 Parts fear of "Winter Weight"

*Secret Ingredient: additional hours in the gym

Directions:
Add all ingredients in blender. Make sure to blend until all is unrecognizable. The result should come out looking like an evil demon named ed.

The weather outside may be frightful, but inside a "cozy and warm" house is even more frightful for an anorexic during "the season". There are desserts scattered about the kitchen, and someone ringing the doorbell with another full plate of cookies or fudge or whatever it could be. It would not matter if the delivery were carrots, there would still be antlers with an innocent red M&M for a nose, and it would surely flair ed up with fury!

There may also be the traditions that are as lovely as a flower in bloom, but to an anorexic, it may be as scary as dropping your Iphone on concrete without any protection around it. See, there are so many traditions during "the season" that surround food. There is the simple and beautiful tradition of a family dinner on Christmas. But try as they may, Christmas day may be full of thoughts of how much or how little an anorexic is going to eat.

Quite simply, "the seasons" are suppose to be filled with joy, laughter, and love. But it is not that simple for an anorexic. We wish that we could be caught in the moments of happiness. However, all too often we are caught looking at the back of the food packaging. We wish that we could try one of your famous desserts, but we are trying all too hard to stay on the newest and most stupidest diets. We wish we could rid our ed's, and we are trying with every calorie that we eat and count and cringe.

Holidays are so hard to celebrate for an anorexic, especially during "the seasons" as there are two holidays so close together that involve a lot of gathering and eating.

Now, just wait a moment, I will get to the positive part soon. But, I just want people to know just how hard it is.

*Positive Moment

It may be difficult to indulge fully into the present when we have been practicing for so long to indulge into our eds, but it is critical that we do. It is critical that we enjoy our lives (especially during "the season") instead of passing them by waiting for perfection, and then, finally, maybe, we will be able to live "the perfect" life. But the facts are in front of us. We are never going to be "good enough" or "skinny enough" for our eds. Ed will always tell us just a couple more days, a few more times, and a few more pounds. If we continue waiting for the perfect day and the perfect moment, we will wake up and see just how much life we have wasted.

So please oh please! Put ed in the corner or bury him in the snow this season! There is no better time than now! There is no better time to kick him to the trash then the time we will be gathered and lifted up by family and friends. Do not be afraid, neither ashamed. Live your life and live during this season. Enjoy, embrace, and eat! Trust me, the fudge and cookies are completely worth it!

Love & Hugs,
Beanie